Covenant House Faith Community

"The good thing about this experience is that I get to help a lot of kids. I am getting a lot of experience doing social work, seeing what needs and positions are out there. The great thing is I am learning so much every day.

The bad thing about this experience is that it has to exist. That there are so many kids going through so many terrible situations is heart breaking. Everyday I learn some new horrible offense against these precious lives.

Today I learned how to call in an abuse report. Am I happy that I had to do that? I don't know. I guess if that is what needs to be done to help. I am being exposed to so many things; I can never go back to the ignorance I knew before I met these beautiful faces touched by tragedies. It's too late - I love them and I will fight for them now."

"Prayer and reflection are very important to me as they are the ways I stay in touch with God. I spend time with Him every day, usually in the mornings before I begin each long day. I write in my journal my prayers to Him, as well as praises and different things that I have learned. I am so thankful for how God speaks to me in these times, through a still, small voice, and for how He has lead me to rely on Him in all that I do."

"Last night the youth showed their dance skills in a contest that totally impressed me and had me on my feet cheering. I was not the only one, as all the staff and youth came out to encourage the performers in a way that was so inspiring. The youth had been working hard all week, creating teams and dances and practicing their moves. Some of the youth sang beautifully, which probably took some effort and courage to perform in front of everyone. The results of all their labor paid off, because all of them did a really great job.

I was so proud, especially of my -18 youth who performed. My girls had invited me to come and watch them, so of course I had to be there even though I was off that evening. They had me laughing so hard, because their dance moves were so comical and very well put together. They had me clapping and yelling because they were so talented. I couldn't help but watch in awe as their personalities shone through as bright as stars."

"The prayer/reflection element of living in Faith Community is such a special thing. The small amount of time that we set aside is really multiplied because it affects our entire day. At times it may seem like a struggle, to work around everyone's schedule and to add one more thing to our lists, but it is so crucial and it is part of why we are here. All of us sense the value of faith in our lives and we feel that something isn't right between us if we miss out on our prayer/reflection times.

There have been a couple of moments where the need for this time together has been expressed in touching ways by my housemates. One day, when all but the two of us were at work until late, my roommate was desperate for prayer time. She suggested that we set up everything - candles, floor pillows, and music - and have prayer/reflection ready as soon as everyone walked in the door. And if no one wanted to pray at that time, she still wanted the two of us to do it anyway. That was when I really sensed the urgency of having this time, because one member of our community may really need that support but may not be as bold as my dear roommate at that moment to say that it needs doing. Of course, when everyone got home, they were delighted to be able to sit right down and reflect on their time at work!"

"Through my work I have discovered that people can really surprise you and that you should never give up on someone that has made a few mistakes. There have been a few instances in which I have made unworthy assumptions and anticipated the performance of a youth or staff, only to later regret having doubted them. I have usually been one to try to see the positive in everything and everyone, and to show respect no matter what differences might exist. But in these few examples of my own capacity to be judgmental, I allowed myself to believe that these people did not fit in and that they did not have what it takes to survive at Covenant House. Reflecting back on this, I can see that I was wrong to make harsh and unfair estimations of people I barely knew. I thought I had figured them out, but since then they have really proven me wrong by making progress in ways that I would not have expected from my first impression. I am so glad to find out that I was wrong and I am so humbled to see that they are doing better than I thought. I am learning much more than I expected about myself and others as I am serving here."

Plastic Love:

"In one of my many conversations with one of my residents, I came to the conclusion that, after all they have been through and seen, they can start to live a life of loneliness. It is true fellow residents or associates they have outside the building may surround them, but when you look at how they perceive those relationships, you begin to see something deeper. I have seen and heard that in their relationships, especially the romantic ones, an emphasis on gratification. After some probing I learned from one male resident the definition of what I call "plastic love." When I asked him what he thought love is, he replied, "Love is something you inflate." He is of course referring to a love doll. This was when I realized that the world of popular culture these youth are exposed to has distorted the once pure concept of love to an unimaginable level. I watched some of their favorite television shows and realized where they get it. Between the television they watch, the music they hear, and the movies they pirate these youth don't stand a chance of understanding authentic love without a stronger, more real example combating the imitations.

They are bombarded with the message of "do what feels good." This is played up in "plastic love" because it is all about what feels good to the person without any regard to the partner, even if they aren't alive. And it isn't just our male residents who agree with this type of love. Several of our female residents believe in this "love" but several have added the twist of not just "how it makes me feels" but also "how much can I get for it?" These girls sell their bodies to men looking for selfish desires with women and are even willing to pay money for it. These girls care more about the money and how they feel and less about the men who use them. The other side can be described as the men not caring about how they use women or the amount of money it takes to do it.

I regret to say that very little can be done to correct this view without divine intervention and incredible people to show these youth authentic love. I work in a city where too many young women have fallen into cycles of prostitution. Many of the young men are told that they have to have sex in order to be a man regardless of who gets used in the process. This continuous cycle, I feel, leads to the worst feelings of loneliness that they combat by having more meaningless sex, which leads to more feelings loneliness. You can't win unless you take them completely out of the system which spawned this mentality or the intervention of stronger influences."

"Prayer and reflection for me is time to speak with God but also to listen to His plan for me. It is a source of strength and calm in my day. It also serves as a gauge as to how I am doing and what my priorities are in my life. Personally I enjoy the liturgy of the hours, rosary, chaplet of Divine Mercy, or just simply going to Adoration for an hour or so."

Justice and Mercy

"In walking over to the gas station near work to pick up some liquid energy (i.e. a caffeinated beverage) a thought occurred to me about how punishment and forgiveness are related to mercy and justice. This struck me as interesting because of how I deal with my residents on a daily basis.

When the offended confronts the offender, there are basically two options presented. The offended can invoke justice or mercy. If they take the justice route, then the offender must be punished before forgiveness is given. They have received what they deserve if the punishment is fair, and worked toward forgiveness and reparations for their transgressions.

When the offended shows mercy, forgiveness is given first. No initial punishments are given but a form of penance that may be seen as a punishment is given after the offender is forgiven. The penance that follows is steps to repair the damaged relationship of the two parties. It is meant to not be a cause-and-effect relationship with bad action then causes punishment but rather bad actions cause a relationship to be weakened. Mercy is an act of love first and foremost.

In my job I deal with 15 young people who often do their own thing which can be a very bad idea. They make poor decisions and often fail to do what we ask of them, such as doing chores or showing up to a meeting. They often think that they are in complete control of their lives and neglect the fact that that very same mentality landed them in the situation where they needed our help. So the question remains, how do we know when to use mercy when they screw up and how do we know when to use justice?

A few months ago I would have been able to give you a vague, academic answer, but now after almost three full months of seeing a couple dozen youth pass through the front door, I realize it a more complicated issue. Some of the situations require that the merciful thing would be the just thing. I have encountered this problem a couple of times:
A youth, who was in the program but spiraled out because of drugs or whatnot, is back on the street, cold, hungry and in need of help. You give him a weeks worth of food, maybe a jacket and some new shirts and maybe get him in touch with people who can help get him off the streets. Not even a full week passes, and he returns, cold and hungry.

You ask where the food went and what happened to the jacket and you get some response like, "It was stolen," or "I forgot it on a bus." If you happen to have more food and a jacket available, you probably give them to him, out of mercy. You see him again next week complaining of not eating for several days and having no jacket. I think you see how this cycle continues.

You find out later, either directly from the person or from a co-worker, this kid would sell what you gave him to by more drugs. He would give up your mercy for another fix. An exercise in mercy has you forgiving this kid and trying to get him in a program. Some would say it would be just if you never gave him another thing. And here is the dilemma. You can help, give him what he needs but may not be able to go to a program because of one thing or another. But, on the other hand, you know that any help you give will most likely enable him to continue this cycle of use to feed his addiction. Then a possibility occurred to me: what if the merciful thing is the just thing?

By enabling a kid who continually uses the charity of organizations to feed his addiction, sometimes the only way to make him see reality is to stop the charitable acts and pray for him. We can't make him change but we can show him that he has a problem. Justice is receiving that which one deserves. For an addict, they deserve to see how their actions affect those around them. Once they realize that, then, if he is lucky, he will see the impact his actions have on himself and that is when the necessary change can occur.

Since justice and mercy are rooted in love, I see the act of denying this kid resources as one of love. We constantly try to stop his bad habits and by not feeding his habit one can hope and pray that he soon realizes it was out of love and concern for his well-being. And that is ultimately why I am out here: to care for the well-being of these kids. Sometimes I have to be a hard-ass and say no to simple requests, but it is always with the intention that they will realize myself and staff care about their needs and well-being."

"Community urges an individual to an elevated way of living, to a place beyond oneself. To listen when one feels like talking. To encourage when one feels like venting. To communicate when one feels like hiding. To give when one feels selfish. To pursue when one feels like being pursued. To love when one feels unwanted. To be patient when ones heart is pounding in frustration. To be ones self, when the temptation to blend in is hard to resist. To be there for another when one believes he has nothing to give. Community requires commitment... getting into the depths of who a person is, where they have been, and where they long to go. Putting aside selfishness, community strives to live in intentional service and dedication. Community provides a place in which freedom can blossom and society's lies can be ripped apart as a beautiful light of clarity, honesty, and intimacy streams forth."

Boundaries...Borders

"What my mind doesn't understand but my heart longs for
I want to be challenged
    to be told no
    to be given rules, a curfew
    to be told I can do better and to be given the tools to do so
I want someone to care for me
    to be a constant person in my crazy life
I'm sick of endless freedom and surprises
I want stability
    to know what to expect after a hard day at work or school
I want choices but not an endless supply without edges or thoughts to my future
I long to be safe, loved, wanted."

"Some say that community exists for the weak...the scared...those not ready to be on their own. I say that community is life lived, a life meant to be intentional and radical, filled with giving, learning, and intimacy. Humans were not meant to live alone, wanderers without purpose. Community screams, 'Bring it on, I stand ready to experience this web of hurt, excitement, confusion, and searching called life.' Community calls people from diverse backgrounds, mindsets, and personalities to live together and devote time to one another. This time is not solely spent in trivial conversations, but spent in heart-felt discussions about the 'whys' of life, allowing each individual to speak his mind and commit to pushing through barriers. Community beckons those willing to open themselves up, despite the fear of exposing the tough stuff. Community exists for the strong...the brave...those ready to experience life-lived."

Eyes tired
    "Wearied from lack of sleep, fighting, surviving physically and emotionally
   Filled with hurt and pain from passed failed relationships
Mind heavy
   Filled with thoughts of getting through another day
   Sick of growing up so quickly
Heart torn
   Feeling inadequate
   Hatred and love coexisting
   False promises blowing in the wind
But hope holds strong
   Hope produces one more day
        one more week
        one more year
    A life that can be filled with loving others
    A life that can change the cycle
    A life that can change others and change the world"

"Words from Covenant House residents on my last day of service: 'You have been the best staff ever. Thank you for being you and thank you for being there for me. I will miss you, and I hope everything turns out okay for you.' -- Jennifer
'Ms. Candice, Hey this is Precious. I just wanted to let you know I'm going to miss you dearly. Despite giving out consequences, I've learned a lot from you. Love you!' -- Precious
'Ms. Candice, it's your favorite resident, Andrea. I just want to tell you that I am going to truly miss you. You have been a great joy to everyone there especially me. I have to admit you get on my nerves sometimes but most of the time it was a lot of fun. You taught me a lot, and how to be a better person on the inside. I wish you the best of luck wherever you go. I really have no words to express how you have affected my life. You are a wonderful person on the inside and out and you should always know that. You will always be in my prayers. Bye-bye!' --Andrea

On my first day, I remember not having a clue what I was getting myself into. I am an observer by nature. So, I sat in one of the resident lounges and just listened to the girls as they talked and watched TV. I listened to the staff as they counseled, gave out consequences, and taught the residents. I was amazed at some of the things the residents had gone through, and were still standing. I was amazed at the light they had for the future after a lifetime of misery. From that first day, I have been impressed with their resilience. Today as I look back on all of them, I realize how blessed I am to have all of them in my life.

As always with service, they have taught me more than I will ever be able to teach them. They show me strength by having the will to keep trying every day even when trying is the last thing they want to do. They show me compassion by having loyalty to their friends and family despite all costs. They show me honesty when they are able to share the darkest secrets of their lives and trust me with them. In each of them, I see a portion of God popping up in my life just letting me know that He is affecting everything I do. Covenant House is a beautiful place to me because it does not just have a mission statement, but the organization as a whole embraces that mission statement and embodies it. Having unconditional love and absolute respect is not just something written on the walls, but it is in the hearts of the staff and felt by the residents. The staff and residents at Covenant House have shown me in abundance that God exists in a real and truly genuine way. For this, I believe it to be an experience that will last a lifetime."

"This is a letter that one of my kids wrote to me as he was finally leaving after being at Covenant House for months: 'I'm leaving with a goodbye, a so long, and a thanks for the help. And I wish you can help someone else the way like you did with me. I will never forget the help that you showed me for the last three months. I have never had a bad staff that never gave me bad impression in Covenant House. I was never scared or received consequences I didn't deserve. I see the way other kids treat all the staff, and I like the way you stayed calm. So, I give thanks.' Though all of the kids are special, he was one that particularly touched my heart. He was goofy and absolutely never stopped talking, but he always made an effort to make everyone laugh and smile when they were sad, stressed, or hurt. For the kids living in a crisis shelter and for the staff that work there, those are pretty common feelings. Everyone was very sad to seem him go, but was glad to see him go home to his family in hopes he would have a better life. We received word a few weeks after he had left Covenant House that he had gone missing. Soon after his mother called us frantically giving us this news, we learned that he had been shot to death. This is such a horrible ending to a child with a beautiful spirit. Despite how awful his death may be, I try to reflect on this note when I am at work feeling sad, stressed, or hurt. I close my eyes and pray for him and his family, and then imagine the jokes and stories he might tell me in that moment to make me feel better. I realize that he would want me to smile and laugh in memory of his life. This is his final and most beautiful gift, the gift of joy."

"As I was sitting at my desk at the shelter, a young female resident thrust the phone to my unknowing ear: 'Here Mista, it's my boyfriend. He's gonna give you his address and you gonna write it down.' I had recently learned that she could not read or write, which I could not fathom - demanding of others the performance of the most seemingly elementary tasks. Imagine the words on the posters, ads, newspapers, and signs, all becoming nonsensical scrawl. You would, in a sense, become a social prisoner completely subjected to the whims of others, from the benevolent to the malign. However, one would benefit from taking into account her circumstance.

For this one particular resident, life just seemed to keep going from bad to worse. Her mother labeled her daughter from an early age as useless. If she objected to her mother's lunacies, she would receive a blunt blow of the frying pan to her head, or in one instance, a most severe form of corporal punishment, being that of scalding oil poured down her right arm, searing her flesh while leaving a ghastly permanent scar. In another extreme example, when the police came to search the house, the mother unhesitatingly hid narcotics inside her daughter's vagina.

This young girl's doltishness was in direct correlation to her repeated objectification and de-humanization of the vilest sort, ironically by the one person who was the most libel for her welfare. Perhaps the most heart-rending development in the story is that this young girl already has a baby with complete unsurety of what lies ahead.

The realization that abusive oppressors, such as her mother, exist is utterly unsettling, and though she managed to escape from such an extreme situation, her tenuous future is a testament to the necessity of human love and support, and the necessity to abstain from judging others, as seem words through the eyes of a child."

"I believe that service is the process of humbly helping others attain a sense of joy, and allowing them to pursue a level of happiness that is influenced by personal example, words and actions. This is all relative to our faith in Christ, who has taught us the nature of helping others to attain knowledge and growth."

"I really enjoy the sense of community at Covenant House. I serve in Life Skills, which feels like it is at the center of all the action. All summer I have been a step away from the playground, courtyard and smoking patio, and -18 area, and spend much of my day in the common area and dining area. I have the opportunity to lead youth Orientations, so I meet most all the new residents in their first few days; this gives me a chance to at least meet everyone who passes through Covenant House's doors. I enjoy watching the youth form relationships and support each other on rough days - when jobs or day care falls through, or when job searching isn't going too well.

The most rewarding meaningful moments I have had this summer were during moments of play. In moments of play the opportunity exists to celebrate a youth, their talent, character, efforts or achievements-these moments come up everyday and that has made my experience at Covenant House extremely moving. Plato said, and I now firmly believe, that 'You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.' I play Dominos, Connect Four, Monopoly, Mancala, imaginary games children make up where they always win, Pictionary, basketball, volleyball and whatever else we pull out of the closet. Games quickly illuminate who's the giver, who is sneaky, who is just in it for the laughs, who is always looking out for others, who is patient, who is impatient, and a million other qualities our youth share with us. I really think that I get to see the youth shine everyday when they get the chance to be kids. It's nice to give each youth the opportunity at least for a couple of hours, to be a kid again, or in some cases for the first time.

I like catching people congratulating each other on jobs, or on their baby's newest accomplishment, or just when one person is excited to see another. It's beautiful to watch youth feel valued and appreciated by those around them - staff and other residents. In return it makes a difference that the staff here remember if a resident's child had a fever the night before, and remembering their name so that as they pass through the different rooms they are greeted by name. I enjoy being able to witness the residents getting excited when a staff gets to work, and to see the positive relationships between our staff and the youth. They notice our moods; they notice if we get our haircut and let us know what they think, they will even give us advice if they think we look too serious one day. I get the opportunity to define in my head the youth as the one who always gives the underdog the chance in basketball, the girl who is always willing to do someone's hair and talk with them, the boy who includes the kid that hasn't spoken to anyone since he arrived.... These youth are amazing - they crack me up, they inspire me, challenge me, teach me, and help me find new ways to appreciate each of them everyday."

"This summer I learned to believe in the power of having a gentle spirit. There was this one resident who right off the bat was telling staff what to do, and what she needed, she had absolutely no shy or polite streak in her. It was my first week, so I was intimidated by her orders, and it took a lot of control not to flex a little staff muscle and try to force a couple 'pleases' and 'thank yous' out of her. I waited though and eventually built some rapport. I began to understand that her directness as a necessity of her previous life style, as a homeless mother of two young babies, you have to demand what you need. There was something really disarming about watching her over the weeks, as she received the care and attention she craved and needed. Over time she definitely softened and suddenly she began more polite in requesting things of me, instead of the familiar commands or usual strong suggestions she might say. That was beautiful to me because she now had a confidence that her requests would be heard and responded to. She began to understand that the power of her words was not in her tone, but that the staff here does really care if she needs diapers, or needs a meal, or change of clothes. When she starting using lots of niceties like 'please' and 'thank you', it was a pure reaction to the love and respect she was receiving by the staff at Covenant House."

"It was the Tuesday of Holy Week and my turn to lead prayer/reflection and of course like most weeks I was struggling for an idea I would be pleased with. Plus, it was the start of Orientation so I wanted the time together to be extra special. I started reflecting on images I had of Holy Week and thought back to an experience I had helping to lead a retreat in Ender's Island, Connecticut. During that retreat on servant leadership we had a foot washing ceremony that I thought might be moving to share with my community members and our guests for that week. After reading a passage from the Last Supper discord, where Jesus washes his disciple's feet and encourages them to have the humility to allow their feet to be washed as well as to wash the feet of others, I invited my community members, Katrina, and our guests, whoever felt comfortable, to have their feet washed and to wash another persons feet. There were candles lit and music playing and two by two people embraced the chance to wash another's feet and to have their feet washed. It was a moving image for me and I hope it was a moving experience for those who were also present."

"'What did I just do?! I just finished gang training!' These were the thoughts racing through my panicked mind after an incident with a resident that I have only recently been able to laugh about. It was within my first month working at Covenant House on the Minors Unit. Work had been going pretty well and I was beginning to feel comfortable on the floor. One relatively frustrating day, I had asked my resident Randall, a proud and proclaimed Blood gang member, to put away his flag (his red bandana) at least ten times. Not representing gangs is a rule that youth agree to abide by while at Covenant House. At a definite breaking point, I walked into the lounge and noticed that Randall was again wearing his bandana. He knew what was coming before I could even say anything, and as I headed towards him I said, 'Randall, I've asked you a million times to put that away, now I'm going to have to take it.' This in theory seemed like a warranted action, but definitely not the greatest notion when acted upon. So my mistake was realized when I grabbed a hold of his bandana with the same fiery energy a mother might use to confiscate an annoying toy her toddler refuses to put away, and Randall failed to let go of the other end.

This paints a pretty uncomfortable picture. Imagine Robert and I clutching determinedly to this red fabric, basically staring each other down, with ALL of my other residents looking on, mouths agape, wondering why on earth I would venture into this risky situation. 'Randall, give me the bandana!' 'I can't do that Miss.' 'Randall, please give me the bandana; it's just a bandana!' 'Miss I can't do that, I will hold onto this all night if that's what it takes.' And in that moment, I realized (and remembered!!!) that what was just a silly bandana to me, signified a much greater ideology for Randall and perhaps more importantly, that he was not going to let go of it. So I was faced with a pretty serious conundrum. If I let go, he would be one up on me, and would have successfully belittled my authority in front of all the other residents. At the same time, did I really want to spend the remaining 3 hours of my shift holding onto this bandana - ultimately looking like more of a fool than I already did? You can probably guess what happened next. I let go of the bandana and in a last attempt to retain any semblance of dignity said, 'Okay, I understand, but if I see it again. I will inform the residential floor Coordinator and you maybe discharged!' I returned to the office, tail between my legs, beating myself up for what had just gone down. It only took a few minutes for the real panic to set in. In my head, 'Oh my gosh, he's a real Blood gang member! He's been selling crack since he was 12! And I just basically disrespected him in front of other Blood members!' Don't doubt that I did not look over my shoulder several times on my walk home from the subway that night and for a few nights to follow... It may sound like I'm joking, but I was genuinely afraid.

Randall and I continued to butt heads in the days and weeks to come. Our egos were clearly vying to take the upper hand. He managed to question the simplest of requests and create incidents out of trivial altercations. Finally, one afternoon I asked Randall to come into the office so we could have a much needed chat. In a desperate attempt to smooth over the unnecessary rift between us and create some sense of harmony on the floor, I began by saying, 'Randall, I get it. You think I'm a stickler, I enforce rules that you feel are unfair or meaningless; I am always ask you to do make your day productive when you want to do whatever pleases you. You've taken care of yourself for years; you don't need me pestering you. But in essence Randall, I am just trying to do my job. I know you want me to respect you, but I can't respect you if you fail to give me reasons to. We really just want the same thing Randall, because I want you to respect me too, and clearly you don't.' At which point, Randall SHOCKED me. His response, 'I do respect you.' And the amazing part was that I could tell he was being genuine. Somehow in what I said, a light bulb had gone on and Randall realized I was acting the way I was because I cared and not because I wanted to make his life miserable. He didn't feel that I respected him, which was something I promised to work on.

During the last two weeks that Randall was at Covenant House I felt like I was coexisting with an entirely new person. Yes, he had his moments, but for the most part Randall and I developed a wonderful relationship. He would come into the office and tell me about his day, and ask me about mine. I came to know a young man who had survived a life that I could never even imagine living. I saw in Randall great strength and potential and this brought me a sense of joy I never expected. I never said goodbye to Randall when he left, I didn't want to. Some kids it's just too hard to go there. Some days, when I'm having a particularly rough day, I'll selfishly hope to see Randall stroll into the office. Still I know that not seeing him means that hopefully he's out there trying to stay on the right track and fulfilling his great potential. We're technically not supposed to have 'favorites' in this line of work, but I must confess that Randall ranks as my favorite youth to have worked with at Covenant House because as cliché as it sounds, he enabled me to manifest the values of absolute respect and unconditional love that our mission seeks to uphold daily. More poignantly, looking back on my experience with Randall I can honestly say that sometimes the greatest, or only, thing we do when caring for young people... is to let go."